Why your goals aren’t motivating you.
the five common goal setting mistakes most people make.
Have you ever found yourself setting a goal, only to lose steam and motivation as time goes by? You're not alone. In fact, it's a common phenomenon that most people experience.
But why does this happen? Why do we set goals that we think we're passionate about, only to find ourselves losing interest or stalling to make progress towards them?
In this blog post, we'll explore the five most common goal setting mistakes that most people make, and how to avoid them so you can move from stagnant, stuck and frustrated to making meaningful, real-life change that expands your life experience.
Mistake #1: it isn't a big enough goal
When we set small or easily achievable goals, we don't challenge ourselves or stretch our limits. Without that sense of challenge, it can be hard to stay motivated and focused on achieving our goals as we will lose the sense of excitement.
To make real life change, we must set goals that are bigger than anything we’ve ever done before; to set our sights so high, so far beyond our comfort zone, so outside the realm of our normal life that it feels utterly illogical to imagine it possible.
We must push the limits of who we are, what we do, and what we believe we can achieve — because if we imagine an achievement that is safely within our comfort zone, our comfort zone is exactly where we’ll stay.
As we set our sights far beyond what we think is possible, our goals will feel unachievable in our present state.
But that is exactly what will force us to expand and rocket ourselves into a new paradigm where achieving this dream is not only possible – it’s expected.
So, next time you set a goal check-in with yourself, "is this goal big enough?"
Mistake #2: it's a people-pleasing goal
What do I mean by that? Well, it's when you set a goal based on what you think other people want for you, rather than what you truly want for yourself.
It can be difficult to recognize when we're setting a people-pleasing goal, as sometimes it's not a conscious decision. Here are a few examples that may resonate:
Pursuing a career or job that someone else wants for us, rather than following our own interests and passions.
Setting goals to meet someone else's expectations, such as trying to live up to a family member's high standards or living the life that society says we "should" have, instead of the one that truly aligns with our own values and priorities.
Setting goals to please someone else in our personal lives, such as staying in a relationship or friendship that is no longer serving us because we're afraid of letting the other person down.
When we set a goal just to please someone else, we're basically handing over the reins of our own lives. It means we're letting external factors, like what other people think, instead of following our own inner desires and passions. This can end up making us feel unhappy, even if we actually do achieve that goal in the end.
Another problem with people-pleasing goals is that they often don't match up with our own values or priorities and can leave us feeling unfulfilled and without a sense of purpose.
So, next time you set a goal, check in with yourself, "is this a goal I truly want for myself?"
Mistake #3: it's a superficial goal
These goals may seem enticing at first, but in the long run, they're unlikely to be fulfilling or motivating. Superficial goals (also referred to as "ego-based goals") are those that are driven by external factors, like money, status, or the desire to impress others, or internal insecurities like the belief that if we achieve the goal, we will feel worthy, loved or good enough.
These types of goals feel hard to start, hard to progress and hard to reach - with a lot of beating up on ourselves along the way.
Before I learned about all this, I was setting a goal to lose weight. I said I just wanted to "look good", to be more of what society considered "attractive". So of course, this created unsustainable behaviours like crash dieting, excessive exercise and periods of hitting 50kgs then bouncing back up again.
When I dug deeper I realised that the real reason was I believed if I lost weight - if I hit my target of 50kgs - I will then become "worthy of the things I wanted".
It was only when I created a new self-image, set a new goal; one that was to be a living example to my kids that they can achieve anything they set their mind to, that an even more meaningful goal was activated. The goal wasn't focused on weight, it was focused on a whole lifestyle change, and weight-release therefore became a bi-product. I set a new personal standard for the way I live my life and it became a sustainable, healthy approach that shifted my relationship with food, exercise and habits.
So, next time you set a goal, check in with yourself, "is this a meaningful goal?"
Mistake #4: it's an away-from goal
An "away-from goal" is one that is based on moving away from something negative or undesirable, rather than moving towards something positive and desirable, which is a "toward-goal".
While an "away-from goal" may initially provide motivation, it often leads to a sense of lack and feelings of fear, anxiety and frustration. Also, here's the clincher - it not only exhausts our nervous system, but has us focusing on exactly what we do not want, which ironically only has us creating more of it - because where attention goes, energy flows.
For example, setting a goal to quit a job we hate is an "away-from goal", as it's based on moving away from something negative, rather than moving towards something we desire.
Whereas, a "toward-goal" is securing a role that excites and fulfils us. When we create the image of that role - a picture, a vision that we can see, feel and experience in our mind's eye, it activates our state of abundance and draws that experience towards us.
Toward-goals provide a sense of inspiration, purpose and direction, and allows us to focus on positive progression.
So, next time you set a goal, check in with yourself, "is this a toward-goal?"
Mistake #5: it's a quick-fix goal
We all want to achieve our goals quickly and easily, but sometimes, quick-fix goals may not be the best option. Quick-fix goals are those goals that promise instant results or immediate gratification without addressing the root causes of a problem or underlying issues. While they may seem tempting, they often come at a cost to our well-being and personal growth.
One example of a quick-fix goal is crash dieting. While it may promise quick weight loss, it can lead to negative health consequences and may not address the underlying issues that contribute to weight gain. Another example is setting a goal to get rich quick by investing in risky schemes or gambling. While it may offer the potential for quick financial gain, it can lead to financial ruin and may not address the root causes of financial insecurity.
Quick-fix goals may also involve seeking temporary relief from emotional pain and often come with negative consequences.
Whereas goals that are for our highest good are goals that are opportunities of personal growth and development. These goals are not simply about achieving a specific outcome or material possession, but rather they focus on our overall well-being and alignment with our true selves. When we set goals for our highest good, we prioritize our mental, emotional, and spiritual health, and therefore, they help us create identity shifts.
Yes, there will be hard steps designed to help us expand, but there'll also be a sense of fun and adventure about the process. We no longer become concerned about when it will happen or whether it will happen, we will know it already has - and each step is a step closer to experiencing it in our physical reality.
So, next time you set a goal, check in with yourself, "is this goal for my highest good?"
Whether we call them goals, objectives, targets, ambitions or missions - no matter the term, the intention is the same - setting our sights on an outcome that is aligned to our true selves has the potential to create a paradigm shift and a whole new life experience.
Small goals, people-pleasing goals, superficial goals, away-from goals, and quick-fix goals are the culprits for demotivation that a great mindset coach can help you spot and re-evaluate.
As your coach, my responsibility is to support every step of the way, so you stay the course and stretch yourself further than that noise in your mind which tries to convince you to stay exactly where you are. Book in your complimentary discovery call with me and let's talk about how we can team up.
